don’t be too nice.
Before burning out, my manager told me I was too nice—and as much as I don’t want to admit it, that was true.
A few months ago, a client said something similar. They needed a little more tough love to push them into action.
I love constructive feedback, and I’ve been working on this because I finally got it. People-pleasing isn’t helping anyone. Not me, not my clients.
I still care deeply about making people feel safe and supported—but not unconditionally.
I’ve relabeled my approach as kindness, which is more intentional than just being nice. And I’ve set a few conditions:
Is it time to slow down or for a (soft) push? Sometimes, the most supportive thing I can do is hold my clients accountable. If they’ve committed to something, I’ll make sure they don’t procrastinate on their goals.
Am I helping or creating dependence? I love doing things for others—but I want my clients to trust themselves to get things done without needing my validation. They know best, I’m just here to remind them.
Am I being kind to myself too? I can’t do my best work unless I take care of my needs first. If saying yes to someone means saying no to myself, it’s time for a reshuffle.
My clients commit to coaching for change—and as much as I’d love for that to mean a dreamy all-inclusive retreat, it usually doesn’t.
But while I won’t sugarcoat or over-accommodate, I will always make sure our sessions feel as supportive as possible.
Figuring this out has made a big difference—not just for my clients, but for me too.
about the author:
Hi there! I'm Silja, the founder of the wholesome growth club, an inclusive hub for career coaching with a soft spot for introverts and perfectionists. I’m an Amsterdam-based expat, but I love connecting with people worldwide. With a background in recruiting, I know the struggle of crafting a career path that feels truly yours. At the wholesome growth club, we're all about fostering sustainable growth, meaningful engagement, and authentic connections. Our blog is dedicated to making coaching accessible and sharing insights to approach work and life with an extra dose of confidence, slow productivity, and self-compassion. If you are curious to make things happen for yourself, get in touch—we offer personalized coaching journeys that will get you closer to your (dreamy) goals in no time.
