how to set boundaries.

It took me thirty-something years to understand how boundaries work.

I used to believe that simply knowing what made me comfortable and productive was enough.

But it turns out that is just the first step—the easy part. That’s the idea of what your boundaries could be.

Communicating those boundaries and sticking to them, even when you're afraid to upset someone, is the tricky part.

I routinely said yes to social events, even when I needed time to rest, not wanting to look unsociable or ungrateful to be invited.

I kept taking on tasks that didn’t fit my busy agenda because I didn’t want to appear less committed to my job.

I constantly felt exhausted, uncomfortable, and unfocused, which made it even harder to show up authentically and at my best.

Now, I regularly check in with myself to understand what I need to stay safe and focused, and I craft a plan to help me stay on track.

I also keep reminding myself that "No" is a complete sentence and doesn't need any explanations.

I do this every few months because boundaries change, and what feels comfortable and necessary now may evolve over time.

If you struggle with setting boundaries, remember you're not doing anyone else a favor by ignoring your needs.

In the words of Prentis Hemphill, an insightful therapist and social justice writer: "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

about the author:

Hi there! I'm Silja, the founder of the wholesome growth club, an inclusive hub for career coaching with a soft spot for introverts and perfectionists. I’m an Amsterdam-based expat, but I love connecting with people worldwide. With a background in recruiting, I know the struggle of crafting a career path that feels truly yours. At the wholesome growth club, we're all about fostering sustainable growth, meaningful engagement, and authentic connections. Our blog is dedicated to making coaching accessible and sharing insights to approach work and life with an extra dose of confidence, slow productivity, and self-compassion. If you are curious to make things happen for yourself, get in touch—we offer personalized coaching journeys that will get you closer to your (dreamy) goals in no time.